Marriage Q & A ~ Advice I Wish I Received BEFORE Got Married ~ Submission

Welcome to the Marriage Q & A’s series on advice we wish we’d received BEFORE we got married. This month I’m delving into the area that often raises the ire of women young and old – submission. Question: “Are the words ‘submit’ and ‘submission’ really relevant today?   They’re old fashioned and politically incorrect.  Today’s modern woman is far more capable and equal than when the Bible was written.  I think they are demeaning to women.”   “I try to submit, but my husband just won’t lead.” “I can’t possibly submit to my husband.  He doesn’t make sound decisions.  I can’t trust him.” One of the most delicate and touchy topics in our culture is the discussion regarding gender roles in marriage.   The Bible has a lot to say about the role of women and men in marriage.  But, there has been a lot of misunderstanding about these issues that has caused unnecessary stress and tension and even debate in our culture and even in our marriages.   It is God’s desire for us to embrace our roles and learn to follow His design. I think most of us have watched the ice dancers during the Olympics. Their grace and timing always astound me. For a moment, let’s think of our marriages like they are a dance and we’re the ice dancers. A Great Dance Requires: A Choreographer that maps out every step, every spin, every lift.   He knows what He’s doing and He must clearly convey these moves to the dancers. Mutual submission to His “steps.”  If even one of the ice dancers decides not to do the steps in...

Marriage Q & A ~ Advice I Wish I’d Been Given BEFORE I Got Married – Part 2 Money and Debt

Welcome to the Marriage Q & A’s series on advice we wish we’d received BEFORE we got married.  Two weeks ago we learned some helpful problem solving tips. This week we’ll be covering money and debt, the #1 reason for divorce even among Christians.  I’ve had several questions come to me concerning this area. After getting married, were you surprised to learn your spouse had a large student loan or credit card debt?  Or maybe your husband was married previously and is paying child support and you find yourself bothered by the amount of income that is not available to your family. If you and your spouse were not open and honest with one another in the area of money and debt before marriage, chances are it has been and continues to be a huge thorn in your marriage. Mike and I came into marriage totally opposite.  His parents lived frugally on a budget his mom oversaw.  I came from a family that was hounded by bill collectors and massive debt.  My mom was always in the dark about the finances and my dad took us to ruin on more than one occasion.  Before we got married, we never discussed money at all.  Mike just assumed I would/could handle the finances because his mother always did.  I thought, how difficult can this be.  This lack of communication led us to ruin. It wasn’t until God dealt with both our hearts in that we (and our finances) were transformed. Financial Principles 1. God owns everything, including your income. The earth and all its fullness are the Lord’s, the world and...

Marriage Q & A ~ Advice I Wish I’d Been Given BEFORE I Got Married – Part 1

The path to oneness is strewn with fragrant rose petals just like the ones the flower girl drops in abundance right before you walk down the aisle, right?  Maybe during those first couple of years, months, okay, days.  It doesn’t take long before the petals start falling off the rose and all that’s left are the thorns. Before I got married, all I heard from girlfriends that got married before me was how wonderful marriage was.  They were blissfully enjoying oneness – or so they said, until over the course of 5 – 10 years many of those giddy girlfriends found themselves divorced. Sadly, even Christian marriages average over 50% ending in divorce. It’s only by the grace of God my husband and I didn’t join the ranks. Lord knows I didn’t have a healthy example to follow growing up in a home ravaged by domestic violence.  My poor husband had no idea what he had just agreed to in our marriage covenant because I never talked about it.  He knew very little about my past.  I kept it tucked away in the recesses of my mind, sworn to secrecy and vowed I would NEVER be like my parents.  I didn’t realize that the very things I hated about my parents failed marriage were fast becoming the pebbles, stones, boulders that we were having to climb over as we tried to figure out this marriage thing on our own. Advice I Wish I’d Been Given BEFORE I Got Married It’s been 36 years and almost 5 months since Mike and I sealed our marriage covenant with a kiss.  We...

Marriage Q & A ~ Is Submission Relevant Today?

Over  the past several months I’ve received questions about a topic that is as old as the mountains. Question: “Are the words ‘submit’ and ‘submission’ really relevant today?   They’re old fashioned and politically incorrect.  Today’s modern woman is far more capable and equal than when the Bible was written.  I think they are demeaning to women. “   “I try to submit, but my husband just won’t lead.” “I can’t possibly submit to my husband.  He doesn’t make sound decisions.  I can’t trust him.” One of the most delicate and touchy topics in our culture is the discussion regarding gender roles in marriage.  The Bible has a lot to say about the role of women and men in marriage.  But, there has been a lot of misunderstanding about these issues that has caused unnecessary stress and tension and even debate in our culture and  in our marriages.   It is God’s desire for us to embrace our roles and learn to follow His design. I think most of us have watched the ice dancers during the Olympics. Their grace and timing always astound me. For a moment, let’s think of our marriages like they are a dance and we’re the ice dancers. A Great Dance Requires: A Choreographer that maps out every step, every spin, every lift.   He knows what He’s doing and He must clearly convey these moves to the dancers. Mutual submission to His “steps.” If even one of the ice dancers decides not to do the steps in the order the Choreographer wrote them, there will be tension on the ice and it can actually be very dangerous....