There Is Hope

Everyone thinks that suicide is such a terrible thing.

Honestly, where I am now is so much worse. It’s more than I can describe. I’m NOT going to kill myself. I took that option off the table, and that’s what everyone seems to be so worried about, but I feel like I am going to crumble to pieces at any moment. It’s like I am barely holding it together and if anyone touches me I will literally break into a million pieces. I feel so FRAGILE. I feel like I can’t be depended on, like I can’t carry my weight in things, like I am not meeting expectations. I feel like I am letting people down because I can’t get my act together.  I fight back tears constantly and I am afraid if I ever let that dam open, I may not stop crying…ever. I don’t want to FEEL this way. I don’t want to have to keep TELLING myself, “Just get through today.”
(excerpt from my personal blog)

Perhaps you’re sitting in the dark, trying to find the light again. Perhaps you’re struggling through each day, putting on a smile to hide the darkness that wants to swallow you whole. If so, I’m glad you’re here. Please, sit with me a while.

I’ve spent the past months trying desperately to soothe the ache in my soul that brought me to this dark place. I’ve been hospitalized twice, prescribed medication, and been through hours upon hours of counseling, where I’ve tried to “connect with myself” and “soothe my inner child.”

In the midst of all this, Psalm 139 will not leave my mind. As I ponder its promises, I’m reminded of the beginning of my walk with my Savior and the deliverance and healing that I found in Him. I’m reminded of battles God fought for me (Exodus 14:14) and valleys Christ walked me through (Psalm 23:4). Over and over again, I am reminded of the many ways God proves Himself faithful to the promises in His Word.

Please remember that the road to healing is a journey. Be patient. God is using all the pieces along the way to make you whole again. Every piece has a purpose. God uses ALL things together for the GOOD of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and the things Satan means to harm you, God can use for good (Genesis 50:20).

In July of this year, I tried to end my life. It left me questioning everything I thought I knew to be true. Things that were once clearly black and white shattered into varying shades of gray with the swipe of a razor blade. My journey to healing has been dark and long…and lonely…

but…

Today I have hope, and I offer that hope to you, dear Reader.

That hope is found, as it has always been, in Jesus, the Cross and the promises of God’s Word.

Pray with me?

Father God,
Forgive me for losing sight of the many ways you have already saved me. Thank you loving me in spite of myself, for always bringing me back to your side, and for reminding me of battles you fight for me. Thank you for reminding me of  valleys you’ve walked me through and storms you’ve calmed throughout my life. Thank you for reminding me of the GOOD you brought from things that Satan meant to harm me. Please continue to bring to mind these things as I seek your face. Comfort my soul, Lord.  Fill my broken places with your love. Heal me so that, through my story of struggle and healing, others will be drawn to you.
Amen

 

Questions about Jesus or God’s Promises? Please leave a comment or email us!

 

How has God ‘s Word given you hope? How has God been faithful to keep His promises in your life?
Please share your story in the comments! Your story can encourage someone who is struggling today.
If you are contemplating suicide, PLEASE seek professional help. The suicide lifeline is available 24 hours a day: 1-800-273-8255.

Kris Williams

Kris is a pastor’s wife and working mom of 2 who is passionate about sharing the love of Christ with the women He puts in her path. She says that she is “living, breathing, walking, talking proof that God is very much in the business of radically changing lives.” She will tell you that God completely changed everything about her when she met Jesus Christ. Like many women, she spent most of her life looking for “something” to make her feel secure, fill the emptiness in her heart, and give her life meaning and purpose and she tried lots of “somethings” before embracing the One who would finally quiet her restless soul. Her life is a story of redemption, healing, and restoration and she believes everyone she meets should have the opportunity to meet Christ and choose whether or not to follow Him. She battled Laryngeal cancer in 2009 and again in 2011. While she does not wish to travel that valley a 3rd time, she sees her cancer journey as a gift because it taught her to completely trust and fully lean on Christ. While unable to speak, she discovered the gift of writing and with it an entirely new way to share her love for Christ. Today, she is completely healed and, while she regained the use of her voice, still very much enjoys sharing her love for Christ (and His love for us) through written word.

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2 Comments

  1. Kris, Praise God you held on and made it through this dark valley. You are a beautiful child of God and so loved by Him. I thank Jesus for helping you choose life. May He hold you close and keep you from the dark. Thanks for your honest sharing, I know it will help others.

    Reply
  2. Thank you so much Susan!
    As with all difficult things, this has truly been an opportunity for me to experience God’s love. Only He could heal my heart.
    Much Love and BIG hugs to you!
    K

    Reply

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