Vantage Point

Do you have a son?

Ahhh, then, you know.

Twelve years ago, my husband and I took home a little 7 pound baby boy of our own, with long, slender fingers and toes, and blushed skin that covered his body loosely, bunching up over the tiniest knees. How delicate was this little fella, and how our hearts were brimming with both joy and fear at the weight of responsibility.

The coming weeks and months had me sleeping with one eye open, my ears inclined to hear every little movement and involuntary punch of his bony fist against the side of a ruffled blue bassinet. Before he was born, everyone told me about the connection between mama and son. At once, I understood. This child ravaged my heart, in the best way.

Today, we are in the throes of middle school with this babe turned boy. Again, there’s tremendous joy, yet an equal measure of anxiousness and fear concerning his life. We wrestle with the dynamic of grace, expectations, and setting boundaries. You see, when children are young, it’s easy to create a sort of utopian existence to control their behavior or responses. I see parents obsessing over what school their children will attend and what teacher they will have. They seemingly pick their friends for them, as well as activities and sports. From what they eat to what they wear and the amount of television they watch, not to mention screen-time and even the church they attend, every part of their lives is micromanaged. To be fair, I believe that we all do this to some extent.

The truth is, with age comes opinions and preferences…and maybe a few different personalities, depending on the day. How am I dealing with this? I’d say okayish. Truth be told—God is using the uncertainty of these years to show me how much I love the idea of control, and how my faith (and attitude) is affected when I feel as though I’m losing my grip.

I don’t want to fight against what my son is becoming. I don’t want to stifle him or disregard his ideas, thoughts, or perceptions. Even so, there is a fine line between grace and some sort of workable boundary that will protect us from destroying each other emotionally.

You may recall the story of baby Moses…

A man from the family of Levi married a Levite woman. The woman became pregnant and had a son. At the time, the Pharaoh had decreed that all Hebrew baby boys were to be drowned at birth. So, when the woman gave birth to a son, she hid him (for three months). When she couldn’t hide him any longer she got a little basket-boat made of papyrus, waterproofed it with tar and pitch, and placed the child in it.

Then she set it afloat in the reeds at the edge of the Nile, hoping that he would be found and adopted. {Exodus 2}

A study of this account in scripture tells us that when Jochebed (the mother) released the basket into the water, she was placing him on the path to his God-given destiny. Sure-the current would soon carry him beyond the reeds and out of his mother’s sight. Yet, his life would forever be under the watchful eye of the Lord.

For a moment, I imagined myself standing there on the bank, like Jochebed, and my thoughts turned to a few recent conversations with my son, including an evening walk/jog in our neighborhood {that’s us in the picture}. Strangely, I’ve found myself muted in these moments, unable to provide answers or any words of wisdom. Yet, I do not feel weak.

Rather, these moments have been some of the sweetest, most peaceful and freeing of this season. God has reminded me that while I am quiet, His Spirit, alive and active in me, ministers to my son. This place of waiting and watching God move is simply a vantage point for my faith, and a place of calm for my anxious heart.

As mamas, sometimes we feel as though we should have answers for our children…or at least words that suffice, right? I believe that God is asking us to release those ideas into the current of His grace today.

Pray –

Father, you are JEHOVAH, all-wise and all-powerful. You have called our children by name. Right now, you are establishing their place in your Kingdom. You do not require our words to accomplish your purpose, and we are so thankful. Help us to walk with the surety of knowing that we have been redeemed, set free, from our own devices…

“When you know that the Lord means to deliver you, bow your head and just give him the quiet, deep, solemn worship of your spirit” {Spurgeon}

 

 

 

Summer Pendley

Hi there 🙂 I'm Summer, daughter of Jesus...saved, restored, & known by Him. I've been married to my love, Jason, for 15 years, and am a happy mommy to a son, Noah, and daughter, Sailer. I love quiet mornings, coffee, listening to music, reading, running, and dreaming 😉 I'm passionate about simple things, and making time to encourage and love others well. The intentionality of Jesus, in pursuing me, hemming me in, gathering the ruins of my life, and lavishing grace over me overwhelms me daily. You'll find me here, in story after story of Him rescuing me, loving me, teaching me, and drawing me into worship. In honesty, I'll share of the emotional and psychological strains of my life & how Jesus continues to reclaim & rebuild, from the inside out. Let me always speak of His faithfulness & goodness...so that you will know that He is good.

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2 Comments

  1. Beautiful and needed after an extended conversation with my boy last night. Thank you, Summer!

    Reply
  2. Love this Summer!

    Reply

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