I worry about money.
Yah, yah, I know we aren’t supposed to worry but let’s be real here. We worry anyway.
And what’s more frustrating than worry is when worry escalates to anxiety which then rises to full-blown fear.
My friends, I have to share with you that my worry over money isn’t logical either. In fact, I feel a bit stupid as I type this because I have walked with God and bear first-hand witness to how He has always, consistently provided for us.
In 2009 my husband lost his job. We were unemployed for 11 months, nearly a year. We scrimped, cut back and I learned many lessons on how to be miserly with what little funds we had. I look back on that season and see so many good things that came out of that time. For example:
- My shopping habits permanently changed.
- Where I shop also changed. I will never pay a boutique grocery store again for a cart load of groceries.
- I learned so much about what I wasted, what was a true value and where to find “free” stuff.
- I became very conscious of others who were walking this path as well.
Through it all and other times in our lives, God has given us just enough. With that said, it absolutely doesn’t make sense to me that I would worry about money now. After all, my husband is employed, the bills are paid, we are doing okay.
I started to ponder this anxiety that was rising up in me and realized it’s a fear coming from a distant expense, my daughter’s college tuition…. now get this, it’s still a year away. And I’m worrying about it now. Sheesh
Well I worried and I thought about this and I thought and I worried. I asked God about it and prayed that He would provide. But I never really gave my worry, or shall we call it my trust, completely over to Him.
This past Sunday, God had had enough of me and my whiney prayers and He shook up my day.
Sunday morning after an early walk, I was ready to jump in the shower then head to church. Typical for me, I’m in a hurry. I yank the shower door open and crank the shower lever all the way over to hot in a single motion. I must not know my own strength because to my utter astonishment, I stood there buck naked, with a broken shower handle in my hand and hot water spraying everywhere.
I scramble into sweats, my husband springs out of bed, and we can’t get the water completely shut off to the house. We call a plumber. No show. Three hours later another plumber arrives. It’s Sunday and the guy warned us that it’s triple time per hour. I think no problem; it can’t possible take more than 45 minutes to fix the handle.
My friends, six hours later and a bill of $998 we have a new shower handle. Gulp.
A thousand dollars. A thousand dollars. I’m sick. I’m upset. I keep thinking how I could have spent that money on ministry or travel or books or helping my unemployed neighbors. Sheesh.
Finally on Tuesday morning God said to me, “Lynn, enough. You keep taking this issue of trusting Me with your money back. I have always taken care of you. And if you were to lose everything, your home, your cars, but still had Me, wouldn’t that be enough?”
“O Lord, yes. I truly mean that Lord. Yes. Why do I let myself take back areas of trust that I have already given you. I’m so sorry. I surrender my finances. I choose to trust you and I will live in peace about this. Thank you Lord. But Lord, I am bummed about the thousand dollars.”
“Yes, Lynn. It was an expensive lesson. I wish you didn’t need to go back through these lessons. Even if the pipes broke and it cost more than a thousand dollars, I would have provided just what you need.”
My friends, I feel thick in the throat as I share the end of this story. Tuesday morning, an envelope came in the mail. It was a statement for an insurance policy that my grandmother had taken out the day I was born. It was for a thousand dollars and had a cash value of nearly that amount. I have received this statement, quarterly for years, but never until today did I see a cash value on it.
And to make sure I really understood that God will provided, that day my husband’s bonus check arrived. And low and behold, it was a thousand dollars more than what he normally receives.
I wish I would just let God deal with my stuff and never take it back. This week has caused me to truly ponder how many different challenging circumstances I have allowed or created that weren’t necessary because I didn’t let God deal with my stuff.
What are you worried about today? Can you let God deal with it…. Just for today? Can you choose today to pray it up and then simply trust that He’s got your back? Try it, just for today. Choose today to walk without anxiety and fear. Choose just for today to trust. Then live in peace, with a joy filled heart and laugh with carefree abandon because God says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
And He means it.
Have a blessed day my friends. What do you need to give over to Him today? Leave me your prayer requests in the comments. I will pray for you and you pray for someone in the comments as well.
Trusting Him, Lynn
I will be sharing an article about loneliness in next month's issue of Flourish magazine where I will be a regular contributor.
Visit me at our main website: Spiritually Unequal Marriage.