A few weeks ago I watched my friend, Kelly, walking through the foyer of our church. In tow, her three children. They passed by me smiling and saying, “Hello” to passersby who were heading out to eat or going home after church. But, as I looked into her face, I saw something no one else could see.
Pain.
Fear.
Disillusionment.
I could see her pain when no one else did because I have lived exactly where she is living right
now.
Kelly is married to an unbeliever and after years and years of praying, hoping, and yearning her husband finally began to attend church with the family. Out of an earnest request from Kelly’s son, her husband came to church as a their son’s birthday gift. Kelly’s husband drove with the family and attended church that very week. Then surprisingly, he kept going. Week after week, the family loaded up, drove to church, sat together and the answer after many years of praying, finally arrived.
But on this particular Sunday, Kelly’s husband wasn’t with them at church. In fact, he had stopped attending two weeks prior. It appears that he is “done” with church.
The shattering realization that your husband has agreed to church or examined Christianity or the Bible and has rejected it, devastates even the strongest of faith. Your heart reels with wild thoughts of his lost salvation and the implications that your marriage will never change.
When this very scenario happened in my home in 2004, I was sick. I know I prayed, asking God, “Why would you allow me to get my hopes up? What am I going to do now?”
The harder part of this scenario is that our disillusion is in God.
(gulp)
I stepped in front of Kelly as she started to move past me in the hall at church and I said, “Kelly my friend, I know what you are going through. I know the hurt you feel because your husband stopped attending church. I know you must wonder why God would do this or allow it. But, Kelly I have been there, too. My husband went through this similar kind of thing.
It’s like they take a step forward to test the waters of this faith thing. And it appears that there is finally a breakthrough and then months later they completely back away. It’s baffling to be sure but I want to let you know that God has His perfect hand on your life and your husband. It is serving a purpose that we yet don’t understand. In my own life, after many years, I can see how God has allowed the slow progression of faith in my husband.
I guess Kelly, what I’m trying to say is you didn’t do anything wrong. And that this is not the final chapter in your husband’s faith journey. But you keep believing the promises of God. Live in His truth and let your life continue to reflect Jesus. You bring Christ great honor when you do so.”
We hugged. She and the kids shuffled out the door. And I prayed.
Living the life of the unequally yoked is a one-step forward, followed by two steps back at times. And in this jerking, often disjointed, and slow journey we can absolutely be assured that Jesus is walking right beside us.
And our unbelieving spouse’s salvation is His highest priority.
I have one final thing to say: Kelly, your marriage is so vitally important and you greatly honor the Lord Jesus through your perseverance and love while you walk in the seasons of disillusion.
Believe the promises of God. He has a mighty purpose for your life and those of your husband and children.
1 Corinthians 7: 12-14
For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.
(The Message)
Be blessed, Lynn Donovan
Your posts are always so powerful, Lynn. I know this will minister to many. Blessings.
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Thanks Joanne,
Your words of encouragement are priceless to me. Hugging you. Lynn
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Thank you for the reminder that as long as there is a ‘today’ God is not finished yet. The Good Shepard continues to seek the lost sheep. It is easy to get caught up in the daily roller coaster ride and forget that God has a bigger plan, that there is a bigger picture we cannot see all of, yet.
God wants a relationship with my husband even more than I want him to have one.
God Bless
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Oh Karen,
Indeed God is not finished. He has so much still to teach me and many, many people to save. Including your husband. Just prayed for him. Hugs, Lynn
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We went through something similar….my husband came to church for a few months, even helped me in the nursery, I thought, finally! We have “arrived”… His attendence was spured by some trying times in our lives…but then…he just quit. My fear is what else will God have to do to shake him to his core and bring him back to him…and ofcourse what ever that some thing is will obviously affect me too…
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Alisa,
I KNOW this fear. To really pray the dangerous pray, Lord do whatever it takes, scares me. Because I will have to walk through “it” with him. O, Lord, empower us, strengthen us, give us courage and perseverance. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
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Thank you so much for this. This was very powerful to me today. My husband goes to church with me every week, however, once we have “left the building” things are business as usual. I find so much encouragement in the fact that there are other women going through some of the same things that I suffer. I try to remember that I should “glory in my infirmities”. Some days are easier than others.
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Mary,
Walkin’ it with you my friend. I receive many, many emails from women like you, who are struggling with your exact situation. Your prayers are powerful. Keep praying, and loving Jesus. He will come around. hugs.
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As always, Lynn, you say it so well. I’ve missed you, friend – too many computer problems and I still haven’t found all my favorite links again! So glad I remembered I had NetworkedBlogs because I was thinking of you just the other day. Now I got to visit – and boy, did I need to read this today.
Much love!
Mel
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Oh My goodness Melonie,
Girl, have missed you too. Thank you for finding me again. We will have to catch up. Sending you a GIANT hug. Lynn
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wow….that really hurt,,,,,,i know exactly how u feel,,,i love being in church but seing all the married couples together really makes me cry many times..im happy for the couples bu tsoo ften wish it was me……..unfortunately im beginning to loose heart…
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Mary Ann,
I know how you are hurting and I am praying for you. Praying for a change and a new hope. Ask Jesus to give you a glimpse of what He is working out. It will give you great encouragement. Hugging you tight. Lynn
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Great post, Lynn! Just as you always do, you put into words beautifully what so many of us feel and experience and it is powerful. I have “been there, done that.” My guy had been going with us for months a while back, and then inexplicably he was “‘done’ with church” just like you described. Sometimes I don’t know how many times my heart can go through that cycle of excitement that he’s coming and then pain because it didn’t “stick.” As many times as it takes, I guess. Thank you for your ministry. It is such an encouragment to me! HUGS!!!
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Brenda,
We could be sisters my friend… So many things that you have lived, I too have been there… Done that… You have a good heart and the Lord sees how you are desperate to honor Him. Well done good and faithful servant. Hugging you tight today. Lynn
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I’ve been feeling so alone in my situation and I’m so glad that I found this website. Thanks for posting what so many others must be feeling. My husband has been attending church with me for a few months after years of not going, and I really thought some of what we heard was getting through. But over the weekend he said that he was done and that it was a “waste of time” to go to church. I was devastated, but thankfully after hearing from God I gently asked him to continue to go with me because it means so much to me and he agreed. Definitely a one step forward, three steps back time for us in our unyoked marriage. Thanks for making me feel like others understand how hard this is!
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Hi Kathy,
I just wish I could reach through this computer screen and hug you. I want you to know that you are not alone. I hope you can find more of us at our community http://www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com Write me and let me know how I can pray specifically for you.
I KNOW exactly how you feel and the emotional highs and lows we go through. You now have others to walk this with you. Hugging you tight. Lynn
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This is awesome … the same happens with kids but I know they are God’s children. He is with them every step of the way, be it two steps forward or one step back…
Blessings to you Lynn!
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Every Step of the way… AMEN, Kathleen. AMEN
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So glad my sister and I have you Lynn. Thank you for your class this weekend. It meant the world to me to be there. I love you so much. Keep praying for us.
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Aimee,
You know how precious you are and how God is watching after you. There are great things ahead. I’m praying for you. Hugs.
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Having 4 children in tow and no husband at my side every service has made my heart heavy at times. I am reminded that right now my ministry is my children. I praise God that last year in February my 5 year old asked Jesus into her heart and last October my 7 year old asked Him into her heart and two years prior my two older ones asked Him into their heart. I look and see as they LOVE Jesus and honoring Him is important right now, I PRAISE GOD that He is moving in their lives DESPITE their father not attending!
We had a HUGE victory last month. There was a DANCE, of all things, for the 4th thru 6th grade. I knew that was coming but not so soon! Anyway, my 5th grader was involved at church to sell tickets for a girls camp and even though she kept asking me if she could go, I knew her dad would say no. We haven’t let them do anything at this point anyway. Well, I hesitated to ask him until I found the opportunity thru the Dance event because she kept asking if she could go to that with her friends.
I said to him, “I realize it’s time to let the reigns go a little bit but I would rather them make friends at church than latch on to the ones at school. I would like her to go to camp.”
(Dad had been selling tickets for her at work)
Praise God! He AGREED!!
There IS a Payoff. The desire to share our GOD relationship with our husbands is not in vain. I can’t imagine how God wouldn’t love that. He loves that.
We all need encouragement and friends to walk beside us along the way.
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Oh MonaLisa,
my friend. I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I simply sat in awe to read this and I wanted to hug your neck to read you are taking all your kids to church. Girl, keep walkin’ it. God has big plans for you. Hugs. Lynn
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Happened upon your site through another blog and just wanted to share some about how the Lord healed my marriage many years ago. I made the start of the Journey first and my husband a few months later. We quickly got caught up in being busy at our church, taking positions of leadership, etc. God had a mighty call upon my husband and jointly we served. But we didn’t keep our armor fully about us and slowly the enemy crept in and we fell away. This begun a long hard journey, in and out of church and in and out of our marriage. Praise God though He never leaves us alone in the wilderness. The thing I wanted to express is God impressed both our hearts that we were to look at our spouses as His child first and at times when one of us was wavering in our faith we were to pray for them as Gods lost sheep and not selfishly as this is MY spouse. Jesus is the source and the light within us and if we are able to walk in Him 24/7 then walking inside the doors of a church building only makes us join other believers for fellowship. Its what example you show before your spouse before you enter that building because the building is not stamp of approval. We share with our grown kids to witness to others must be how you live daily or for others to see a real change. Church is wonderful, but knowing Jesus at home or the work place is even greater because that is where the real you lives. Begin to lift your spouse up as the lost sheep of God and release them to Him and you will be amazed how the Holy Spirit moves so much faster than what we can attempt to do on our own. Keep planting seeds, trust that God will bring them in and perhaps pray for someone else that may cross thier path to be a witness to them.
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Great advice Kathy,
Thank you for taking time to encourage all of us here. I means the world. Hugs and blessings. Lynn
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Thank you Lynn for your sweet loving words towards me. It makes me giggle and smile : )
Thank you Kathy G for reminding me he is God’s. I receive you words of wisdom.
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Thank-you for that! After years of being backslidden, some “trying times” happened in our family. My husband sought Christian counseling with a pastor friend of his. He totally changed, started going to church with us, and even went up front when the pastor asked for those who felt they were called into ministry to come forward for prayer. He told me to start praying about what God wanted us to do next. This lasted for about 4 months, and then he fell back into what he was like before. I know God has a plan and is in control, but sometimes I ask God, “Why did you get my hopes up if You knew he wasn’t gonna stay that way?”
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Wow Michelle,
I am just heartbroken for you my friend. But, I do know the feeling. Take hope in our Lord… Your husband and mine are merely human and we serve God Almighty. It’s all in his great and perfect timing. Hugging you tight. Lynn
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So encouraging. thank you all for posting things happening in your lives. Its encouraging in even the toughest times. I’m new to this site and am so happy I found it and read your book. My parents were missionaries 10 years during which the last 5 I had back slidin and starting dating my husband. he started going to church because my parents were upset he didn’t. We got married a few years later and then he stopped going. by then I rededicated my life to God. Here I am not really knowing whats going to happen now. I am working in ministry church planting in the US praying and hoping my husband will join me . it is hard to go to church and see couples who pray together and worship God . My heart aches for that fufillment.
I had a question . what does your husbands think of your ministry?
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Nila,
So glad you found us. You don’t have to walk this road alone. I can’t even imagine the hurt in your heart right now. Please press into Jesus and continue to serve Him. I hope you find us at our main website where there is an entire community there who will walk this journey with you. Hugs, Lynn
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> Hi Nila,
>
> I’m so glad you found us. I want to affirm you that God will help you through this difficult time and one day reach your husband. You cling to Jesus in your lonely times. I’m on vacation now and will try to catch up with you further when I’m home next week. And amazingly, my husband has been my biggest cheerleader in my ministry. He allow me and even encourages me to write and share. God can and will work around and through our unbelieving spouses. I hope you can find a copy of our book because it would encourage you. I share a lot of how Jesus helped me through the common struggles of being unequally yoked. You can read more about it at http://www.winninghimwithoutwords.com. Hugging you tight. Lynn
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I too have recently become aware of your ministry because I have been called to facilitate a Life Group at our church for women who are unequally yolked. We are planning to start your book next week. As I am reading comments about this posting, God reminded me that over the last 20 years of our marriage my husband has attended church with myself and our children. He was consistant for a while but stopped attending. We tried another church that he wanted to attend, but he stopped attending there also. The kids and I remained for awhile after that, but were not getting fed. We tried to get connected. As my children got older they found a youth group through some very good friends of our family and I started attending there because of my kids. I agree whole- heartedly with what is being preached and each one of the kids and I have found our place in the church. We (the children and I) finally feel that we have found our home church. What’s so hard is that my husband is uncomfortable there. It is a very spirit-filled, God seeking church. He says he would come to church if we went to the one we were at prior to where we are now. I’ve left so many churches other than the ones metioned for him, only to have him stop attending. I don’t want to uproot my children. They are growing and love the Lord and their church. It’s so difficult to know the right thing to do.
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Oh Lynette,
There are so many things here I want to chat with you about. I have been at that crossroads before as well. Do I change churches??? It’s agony to know what to do.
I also am thrilled to hear you will be leading other women who are hurting. I will email you privately. I want to begin to pray for your group. Hugging you. Press into our Jesus. Love, Lynn
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