Submit to Your Husband- You Win in the End AND Book Giveaway Winner!

Submit to your husband.

Why is it, this very short sentence makes my emotions bristle?

For far too many years the teachings from Ephesians 5:22 have been misunderstood and misrepresented. So let’s have some real and honest talk about God’s intention of this passage and let’s take it a step further. Can you submit to your unbelieving husband?

I’ve been reading a book by Juilianna Slattery, Finding the Hero in Your Husband. Juli has put into words exactly what Biblical submission looks like. But she starts off with what it is NOT:

• Submission does not mean that women are less valuable than men.
• Submission does not mean that women should not share their opinions.
• Submission does not mean blind obedience.
• Submission does not mean a dictatorship.

Juli is spot on.

The longer I travel this complex and fascinating marriage road, the more I discover new depths of God’s brilliance in the union of a man and woman. Let’s think through God’s Big picture in marriage. In Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)

I’m coming to the conclusion that most of us wives don’t truly understand our part in this passage. We interpret the “helper” as a co-partner to all tasks and needs within the marriage and family.

Not so.

We as brides step into marriage with the concept that our men are fully developed as a man. We ignore or don’t understand that men have been raised to project a facade of strength, yet every man carries within him a fragile sense of worth and competence. (pg. 24)

The truth is that wives are destined by God to use our influence as a suitable helper to build his self-confidence, to teach him how to be a fantastic father. To model vulnerability and quiet strength. It is our God given calling to share decisions and then support our man as he works through his insecurities to find the bold confidence that God greatly desires for him. And this process takes a lifetime.

God trusts us wives with this vitally important task. He asks us to help shape our husbands all the while going about the process in a way that reflects respect, deep love and acceptance to our man. Isn’t that exactly what God is slowly doing in our lives as women?

True and Godly submission is the greatest gift we can give our husband and when we use our influence in this way we are actually the ones who gain the most in the end.

Let me be specific. A man who is consistently told by his wife that he’s not doing this right or that right or told that he’s not striving hard enough, he isn’t romantic enough, that he bought the wrong flowers for her birthday, who isn’t ever good enough,etc. This man gives up trying out of frustration. So in the end, no flowers come on her birthday, he stops trying to do anything around the house and forget spending time with his wife, she only makes him feel bad about himself.

On the flip side when we don’t set boundaries in marriage and use our God given influence, we allow our husband to walk over our feelings and wishes. The practice of compromise is surrendered in the name of non-confrontation. This man becomes a tyrant and a bully. He doesn’t learn to love with patience and learn to be an understanding father. Regrettably the wife lives without a voice and is unfulfilled as a woman.

It’s never too late to change your marriage. Change begins slowly and is absolutely possible through the power of the Lord, Jesus Christ. This day offer up your marriage in a prayer to understand fully your vital role as a Genesis Wife.

Some of the most powerful and effective prayers I have uttered for my own marriage is a request for God to give me His discernment and wisdom to ‘know” how to pray for my husband. To see areas where he is insecure or even mistaken in his thinking. I beg the Lord to give me a wide open door to bring these discussions up in our marriage. And you know what happens.

He does.

God shows Himself faithful and will honor my deep desire to be a true helper to my husband, even my unbelieving husband.

Don’t be frightened by this lil’ ole word submission. Be empowered by the Lord God, Almighty.

Be blessed, Lynn

I would be greatly honored if you would share your thoughts, stories and wisdom from your marriage. Visit me at Click on Share Your Story and leave me your thoughts and lessons about submission that can help others on the path behind you.

I speak a great deal about submission in my book Winning Him Without Words. To order your copy, please stop over at

And for more encouragement for your marriage, visit me daily at Hugs, Lynn


Congratulations to Henriete!  Please send an email with your address to Marsha, our Marriage Counter editor, at We’ll get this book out to you this week.

Lynn Donovan

Lynn Donovan would likely hug your neck the first time you meet and skip the small talk to ask, “How are you today, down in your heart?” As a writer and speaker, she shares from her heart the myths women believe about love and marriage and then points them to the freedom that is theirs through living in the truth and relationship with Christ. It is her passion to encourage women to thrive in their marriage and discover their purpose. Married to her husband, Mike, for more than 18 years, they love, live and now thrive in a spiritually mismatched home. They reside in Temecula, California with their teen daughter, and neurotic but comical dog, Peanut. Lynn loves to laugh, enjoys a strong cup of coffee and Fantasy Football and not necessarily in that order. You can join her daily at her blog where she shares the zany yet meaningful stories of marriage challenges, truths, and triumphs in her life. She invites you to share her view from her front row seat to an amazing journey; life lived for Christ. To learn more about Lynn visit her blog at or follow her on Twitter @LynnDonovan.

More Posts - Website


  1. Lynn, I’d love for you to link this post (or your SUM teaser) at Chrysalis today. It’s an OPEN topic, so any and all marriage posts are welcome!

    ((Hugs)) e-Mom

    BTW, well said. Applauding!

  2. That’s a great idea. I didn’t think about it. Been a bit crazed over here. I will do and do that. I even think I can make a few visits around the blogosphere. Thanks e-Mom. Have a blessed day and be embraced by our King. Hugs. Lynn

  3. This is a wonderful explanation of submission, and I totally agree. There should be more groups for unequally yoked marriages in our churches. Thanks for the two of you. So glad to be connected.

    • Martha,

      Your heart for the Lord and your desire to honor Him and your husband just shout out to me. You love them both so much and it inspires me. I’m sending you a big hug this morning. Love you, Lynn

    • Tami,

      Always love hearing from you. I will be by your place today. Your words on marriage are priceless and spot on. Hugging you.

  4. Back again! That sentence from p. 24 of Slattery’s book has stuck with me all day. (About stepping into marriage thinking our man is fully developed.) I’ve often thought about that same concept, and the faulty expectations that most of us have in the early years of our marriage. I’ve never seen it articlulated quite so succinctly. “Finding the Hero in Your Husband” sounds like a wonderful book.

    (You know, probably the same could be said for young husbands and the faulty expectations that they have. No doubt they expect their new bride to be fully supportive, fully mature, and fully submissive from day one. Ooops!)

    Thanks for making me think today, Lynn. And thanks for linking up for Marriage Monday today. (((Hugs!)))

    • e-Mom,

      I agree. When I read her statement it was like I was hit in the head. I was one of those women who thought my man was the complete package. So much to learn…. Thanks for stopping in and hosting MM. Sending you a hug.

  5. Lynn, as always, it’s a pleasure to read your words, your heart. I too have an unsaved husband and many times you have encouraged me.

    I have a forum for wives and of all of the topics we discuss, submission is always a hot topic. The world has made it so difficult to see the true beauty and strength in submitting our marriages to God…pure undefiled beauty!

    Thank you for your heart here.

    • Hi Laurel,

      I would love to stop in and be part of your forum. Let me know how? Also, thanks for adding to our conversation and your kind words. Hugging you. Lynn

  6. i learned this lesson when the hubby and i were in dispute over where we were going to spend Easter. My “how do you know the story of Jesus was just made up” husband wanted to spend Easter with his non-church going family.

    my heart was broken. i resolved to pray about it through spin class – one minute into my prayer God said “shut up and submit”

    so i came home, presented my opinion then resigned myself to doing whatever he decided.

    AND? i got my way but i had the proper spirit and that makes all the difference

    • Brooke,

      proper spirit makes all the difference. Amen. AMEN. Hugging you. Lynn

  7. Lynn!

    Girl…you always have a way with words! I have neve read one of your posts and not been encouraged and I’ve never walked away without learning from you. I love this post about submission…I look at it this way….I WANT to submit, because if I do, then I’m in the center of God’s will with my marriage..and I don’t want to be anywhere else! I learned along time ago…it’s no fun to just keep “going around the mountain”….it’s easier just to be in His will!

    I love you girl…and still pray for you…and yours.

    Keep on writing!
    Much love

    • Jen,

      Love you my friend and your sweet words touch my heart. Hugging you this day.

  8. Submission is sometimes very hard for me, being married to a man whom isn’t a Christian but “encouraged” me to take our children to church because he wanted them to learn about God & knew that’s where they should be raised. And becasue of his “encouragement” I have a relationship with my Savior.

    Thank you so much for what you do!! It’s encouraging each time I read your posts from one unequally yoked sister to another!!

    Thank you!!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *