Competing Affections: Is it Time To Walk Away?

You shall tear down their altars, break their pillars, and cut down their sacred poles (for you shall worship no other god, because the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God).

Exodus 34:13 & 14, NRSV

My husband and I were visiting my sister for one of her epic social gatherings, which she adores.  My husband was sitting with a crowd, in the dining room, talking and enjoying himself at the head of the table.  I was standing in the archway, between the dining room and the living room, staring at his handsome face.

I love to see him have a good time.  He is a wonderful laugh-er, and laughing he was when a blond woman came out of the kitchen.  She purposefully strode over to my husband, knelt down, placed both of her hands on his thigh and began to sing to him.  She stared adoringly into his face, and I stared, disbelieving, at her.

After the shock wore off, my husband looked up at me with wide eyes.  We exchanged astounded gazes as she poured out her serenade to him.  I could see his discomfort while he measured his desire to be polite with his survival instincts.

It was at this point that I woke up.  Whatever you have read about pregnancy dreams, they have all happened to me.  I have saved humanity several times, I have honed my martial arts skills, and I have even dealt with marital predators.

Upon awakening, I could identify more specifically the emotion that I felt in the doorway of my sister’s house.  I was jealous.  So, naturally, I rolled over to face my husband and gave him an instructional play-by-play on what to do if a blond woman wants to touch him and serenade him.  I could tell that he was most appreciative.

This all felt very familiar, though.  It led to a question that I have, often.  I have a hard time understanding God’s jealousy.  His seems so severe and those poor Israelites, always the object of it.  So, I tried to analyze my dream to solve this very old question.

Why was I jealous? Because, my husband belongs to me.  He is covenanted to me and my hands should be the only ones on his leg, frankly.  No other blond-headed woman should be singing to him, ever.  Nothing should come between us even for a moment.  I want his attention and all of his affections.  I just do.

According to me, what should have happened? Forget politeness.  Get up and walk away.  This woman could not have any good intentions for my husband or our marriage.  In a very Mr. Darcy way, he should have stood up and said, “There stands my beloved, and you have the audacity to mock this beautiful institution that we have built.  How dare you, Blondie.”  I do not want for him to feign politeness, even for a moment.  End of discussion.

The more I retraced my dream and the way it should have gone, I understood something.  I love my husband so much, that I simply look at him and he delights me, and yet God looks at me and feels infinitely more.  He created me.  He calls me the beloved.  He has altered the very definition of death, through His Son, in order to have me with Him in heaven, forever.

So many guests fight for my attention during the day.  I feign politeness and give them undeserved and nonreciprocal tolerance.  As my God stands in the archway, He watches them try to play with my mind and heart, offering reasons why I am less than I was intended to be.  He sees the pictures that they flash in front of my eyes, persuading me to diet or consider Botox.  God sees what happens.

All the while, He stares straight at me with that quiet assurance, “Get up and walk away.  This is not how it has to be”.

Hallelujah. He is jealous over us, and what a love that demonstrates!  I want to be worthy of that jealousy.  I want to be free.

What competes for your affections, today?  Do you need to walk away?

Tracy Knowlton

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