My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me

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Is it true that women speak about 16,000 words a day?

Is it true that men speak significantly less?

After some research, the answer is yes and no. A recent study at the University of Arizona reflects that men speak a little under 16,000 words per day and women speak slightly over. Who knew? I was convinced that women talked men under the table. *grin*

In my research, I stumbled upon an interesting fact that actually bothered me a great deal. The author of The Female Brain, who first published the number of words women speak on average, has agreed the word count is almost even. Her original estimate was women speak 5,000 words more than men a day. Since the new study, she says she hears this complaint often in her clinic, where she also does marriage counseling, from men who say their wives just won’t stop talking.

Ouch!

So I ask you, is that really such a bad thing? Didn’t God create women with a primary need to verbalize? In the book, His Needs, Her Needs, Christian author, Dr. Harley, states a typical woman’s needs as:

• Affection
• Conversation
• Honesty and openness
• Financial support
• Family commitment

Do you see conversation appears second on the list? A woman needs him to talk to her.

This is all well and good as long as we don’t overwhelm our man with an unreasonable and unquenchable demand to talk and talk and talk. This scripture springs to my mind:  A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it. Prov 27 15-16 N(IV)

However, when you are unequally yoked, this basic need within us as women becomes a deep chasm of dissatisfaction. Why? Because our unbelieving spouse avoids or refuses to discuss matters of faith.

In my early years of marriage, I struggled for so many years with this particular issue. I was growing in my faith. My life was changing and Jesus was becoming active in every aspect of living. I was desperate to tell my husband about the amazing changes taking place. I wanted to share how my character was growing.

He would not listen to me.

I would often find myself ambushing him into listening. I would manipulate opportunities and I sometimes would outright preach at the guy. I was desperate to talk and I was desperate to bring my man to salvation. I can tell you these efforts went over like a lead balloon.

My heart hurt.

When you live in a spiritually mismatched marriage, navigating this long period of stunted conversation is grueling. But, there are unexpected hidden blessings that bring richness to our lives. I turned my conversation toward Jesus. My prayer life became the treasure of my day. Jesus always listened. He held me as I poured out my disappointments.

My prayer life and daily reading of God’s word, transformed me.

Guess what happened? My great chasm filled. My desperate need was in the capable hands of Christ and out of that…. I just lived my faith.

I didn’t need words. I didn’t need manipulation. Released was my need to save my spouse. I didn’t need to preach. Do you know why?

You can’t deny a changed wife.

You can’t deny the power of a transformed life.

This is the amazing truth of 1Peter 3: 1 (NIV) Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

I am proof of this scripture. I stopped talking. I started praying and today I am absolutely confident that my husband’s salvation is nearby.

My friend, if your husband won’t listen to you, count it a rich blessing. Grab hold of 1 Peter 3 and watch as you say nothing and stand astonished as your transformed life SHOUTS truth, freedom and joy to a world, a husband, in desperate need of a Savior.

Be blessed, Lynn

Author, Winning Him Without Words, February 2011

Join me and Dineen on October 8^th for the Intentional Marriage, Online TV Broadcast. Join the meme and we are giving away two copies each of The Husband Projectand The Marriage Project by Kathy Lipp.

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Lynn Donovan

Lynn Donovan would likely hug your neck the first time you meet and skip the small talk to ask, “How are you today, down in your heart?”As a writer and speaker, she shares from her heart the myths women believe about love and marriage and then points them to the freedom that is theirs through living in the truth and relationship with Christ. It is her passion to encourage women to thrive in their marriage and discover their purpose.Married to her husband, Mike, for more than 18 years, they love, live and now thrive in a spiritually mismatched home. They reside in Temecula, California with their teen daughter, and neurotic but comical dog, Peanut.Lynn loves to laugh, enjoys a strong cup of coffee and Fantasy Football and not necessarily in that order. You can join her daily at her blog where she shares the zany yet meaningful stories of marriage challenges, truths, and triumphs in her life. She invites you to share her view from her front row seat to an amazing journey; life lived for Christ.To learn more about Lynn visit her blog at www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com or follow her on Twitter @LynnDonovan.

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