I often throw out questions on the Praise and Coffee Facebook page that give me a glimpse into the lives of women. Some are thought provoking, some are just fun. A while back I asked, “Who’s your favorite girlfriend to have a cup of coffee with?”
Women left names of their best buds with exclamation points and smiley faces (of which I am a chronic over-user), but I also received several inbox messages from women whose hearts were broken because they don’t have a close girlfriend to share coffee or life with.
They wrote notes laced with shame as if they were not worthy of such precious relationships. It made me sad and my former co-dependent self wanted to jump on a plane with a Praise and Coffee mug in my carry-on and wipe away all their tears over a grande caramel-macchiato.
But I knew better. Even if it were possible for me to be there with them, it would only be a temporary fix.
I’ve been in that place of loneliness. When it feels like the whole world has walked out and the quietness screams that you’re not worthy of the joy that a good friendship can bring. At times the enemy of our souls puts a spin on circumstances and leaves us with a feeling of abandonment at every turn.
When it happened to me, I cried helplessly to God for comfort and hope and realized that He was waiting for that the whole time. So often He thwarts our attempts to find solace anywhere else while relentlessly pursuing us to show that a relationship with Him far surpasses any relationship this world has to offer.
When I asked the question on Facebook, it highlighted what seemed to be a loss in the lives of many women, but I believe that most often there is a reason that the Lord allows us to come to that place of emptiness. He longs for us to run to Him so He can breathe life into the dry, desperate corners of our heart.
Next time you’re feeling lonely, I encourage you to see it –not as rejection- but instead an invitation to a relationship that offers life and hope, love and laughter.
1 Cor 1:8-9, NLT
He will keep you strong right up to the end, and He will keep you free from all blame on the great day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. 9 God will surely do this for you, for He always does just what He says, and He is the one who invited you into this wonderful friendship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
Girlfriends will come and go, but our Lord stays and longs for us to stay too. Will you?
I do feel lonely at times, these are the times I realize that only God is there for me. Even my friends and family don’t understand how low I feel during those times.
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If He’s allowed the lonliness, it’s because He wants you clinging to Him.
I pray you take comfort in that and rest in His loving arms today.
Love,
Sue
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Sue,
I have felt this way so many times. People don’t believe me when I say this because of my personality. It has happened to me on more than one occasion. The hardest part about this is when these feelings come over me I have come to realize this is when satan throws every sin I’ve ever committed at me, every negative thought, anything that he can use to bring me down lower than I already am. I have to remind myself that Jesus loves me mistakes and all and condemnation comes from satan.
I love the twist you gave when you said, when your feeling lonely see this as an invitation to spend time with God. You always point your readers back to God. This is one of the things I love about you!
He does invite us into a relationship with Him, if we will only say yes!
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Great article Sue. There have been many times I have felt like that in the past – and part of it is because women need other women – but, I think you hit the nail on the head when you say God gives us those times to draw us closer to Him. A good reminder because sometimes we can use those times to wallow in it instead. I choose Him !
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I’m in a season right now that the only person I can cling to is Jesus. I feel like one of the Israelites (surely not one who complained a lot…) out in the wilderness – not real sure why I’m there, looking forward to the land of milk & honey, but relying totally on God to get me there. I’ve had to come to realize that at the times I’ve questioned if He was even close to me on the journey that He sent others to be His messengers, His hands and His feet (the hug from a friend, just because I looked like I needed one, the email just to say hi, peace from the anxiety and worry I had been feeling). It’s also been during this time that it’s been hard for me to express my feelings, fears, doubts, etc. to anyone but God. I have to give it all to Him.
I have been praying for a glimpse of what is to come, but I haven’t gotten that yet. It’ll come in His time. Meanwhile, I’ll keep waiting patiently (ugh lol) on the Lord and confiding in Him and allow Him to draw me closer and closer.
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Sue, a very ‘real’ message! I often hear from women (different cultures, ages and walks of life) that are riddled with the loneliness of not having a girlfriend, best friend, sister in Christ and so on to share not just a cup of coffee with but to turn to when hell is rising up and they need someone to pray with them, listen or just hug them. It is sad but very true and there are MANY reasons for this happening…too long to outline here.
But I will say that GOD is our best friend to run to in time of any need or just to talk with and certainly to spend time with. He’s there when all others turn or walk away or are just caught up in their own lives.
Thank you for keeping it real dear sister. Love ya.
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What a wonderful post! I have my tea/coffee with God in the mornings. My best friend lives across the country.
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May God continue to bless you Sue…IN ABUNDANCE! Thank you for speaking from your heart and blessing many! Thank you for your willingness to go that extra mile; “even if it would have been a temporary fix”. Woman of God, it’s the willingness that God appreciates and we do too. What an awesome gift YOU ARE and if I never get to meet you face to face, here’s to you, Sue, A GRANDE CARAMEL MACCHIATO AND A HUG FROM YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST…I LOVE YOU!
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So many times I’ve put my heart’s deepest desires and needs in the hands of my friends and loved ones with full expectation that they will meet them. I love my friends and loved ones…but there is only ONE who never leaves me and can meet those desires and needs. Thank you for the sweet reminder.
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Girl, you know probably better than anyone that this has been such a hard topic even in my life. I too learned through that season that the only friend I really needed was Him and eventually He blessed me with new friends who love me for who I am in Him, not what I do, who I am married to, what I can do for them, etc. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly and so transparently…that’s what I love about you!
xoxo, Melissa
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This post was just for me. I am in that place right now. I fell like I have lost 2 very good friendships because I did not agree with choices they had made. There are days when I have some free time that I just wish I had someone to call last minute and meet for coffee. I know Gid wants to be that person but I also know women need those close friendships. I am praying that the Lord will bring someone my way. My family lives 500 miles away and that is taking its tole on me too. Although my life is full with a wonderful husband and 3 childen, below that there is a hole.
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Such a lovely reminder that there is one always ready and available to listen when we turn to Him.
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Wow. I am soooo in that lonely place of heartache you described. I was praying this morning that God would send me a new Christian sister to become a good friend. I am living minute to minute with those feelings of abandonment; how did this all come crashing down so quickly? What does God want me to learn from this? I want to draw closer to HIM, and I also want a Jesus with skin on to be my here and now friend….How long is this going to last??? Why me??
Your post, was of course, meant for me to see before I start my work today.
Thank you.
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Finding that “sighing” place has happened for me. A sigh of “Finally, someone that ‘gets’ me and STILL likes me.” LOL. God has graciously placed a woman in my life that we are sharpening each other and challenging each other in our walk with Christ.
We have fun and meet every week; if its her doing my hair (she’s my personal beautician now), or hookin up for coffee at the local coffee shop.
One of the first things we noticed that we have in common is that we truly enjoy spiritual conversations…which is something I’d been missing in some friendships. We never tire of talking about God and His goodness.
Four months ago I wouldn’t have been able to write the above, but four months ago I was praying and waiting for a “local” girlfriend that I could have some actual girl-time with.
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I can’t wait to find that “sighing” place, Kela.
You and I’ve talked about this before Sue – it’s a strange, often lonely place to be – without a girlfriend connection (one that is tangible – physical – not cyber).
I’m trying to learn what I can in this season – be thankful for it and learn any lessons necessary – because I’m ready for that “sighing” place. So ready. This has been a long year.
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I love how you ladies share your hearts, thank you! I know that it helps people reading when they realize they are not alone in this one!
Lonely seasons can be so difficult but when we see them as having a purpose (to draw us closer to Him) it makes them much easier to get through…and often I have looked back and realized that I grew more in that lonely season than I ever imagined I could!
Thanks for the love and Stacye- thanks for the coffee!
Sue
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Bless you dearly for this, it really touched my heart.
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Well said Sue. I think it can be easy for us to focus on human relationships because they are so “present” but our God is even more present and definitely more faithful if we will turn to Him for that intimate connection of spirit. Great stuff girl
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Sue
So ture and great perspective. This made me think of a girl friend that has moved, one that I could talk to about anything. It has been sad and yet God has brought new women into my life, and sharing my heart with Him is always a good thing. Thanks for the reminder – Jaime
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I did a series on friendship last May – and sometimes the friends God has for us are not where we would normally look. Sometimes we have to look at people from a God perspective to find those friends He has for us – and, yes, there are seasons where we sit in the coffee shop alone and seasons where we are surrounded by our friends. We have moved this past year, and I miss my coffee friends – but God will provide. It’s just lonely for awhile.
http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/friendship-part-2-look-beyond-your-expectations/
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I have recently ended a friendship because after stepping back a little I realized it was draining me. I felt at peace with the decision after praying about what to do. I am praying for new friends and I am really enjoying the presence of God more in my life. I feel I have created more room for the Lord in my life and while meeting him everyday in my quiet time reading, I feel the void healing. I have also become a better friend to my husband which is a nice surprise through it all. I didn’t go to my husband and just catch up, so this time of being “coffee girlfriend” close to someone has actually been a blessing for my marriage as well. I trust God now to provide, for his time is more perfect than mine could ever be. I look forward to the next blessing he unwraps for me.
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There are times when I feel lonely. The friends I have at work are great, but what if the workplace was no longer there, would I have friends outside of work or the ones I work with stay in touch. My mom was my best friend, and God took her to her home in heaven, but I miss her very much. I think of her often and wish I could share with her my news of her grandchildren. I often think of what she is doing in Heaven.
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I have been in this place for awhile now. I have many cyber friends but you cannot really have a one on one conversation that way. All the women at our church(small)are young enough to be my daughters. The few others all work. I really don’t want to change churches but am really wanting a good friend.
I really thought I was a rarity with this. I am glad you wrote on this Sue.
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I so appreciate your article. A few years back I once thought I had a best friend, but when the Lord told me to homeschool my kiddos she (a fellow believer I might add) was totally non supportive of the idea. I was going thru my own doubt that I could fulfill what the Lord was asking of me, and I was devastated by her reaction and we have drifted apart ever since. After getting over the woe is me, I realized that Christ Himself is my best friend. So at times satan still attacks me on this front of not having a christian sister I can hang with I know that all in the Lords timing and He’s the one that heals my broken heart and as much as satan wants us to believe I’m alone, God reminds we’re I’m not. Christ is my best friend.
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