I was raised by a U.S. Marine. I’m the oldest of four children and find leadership roles enjoyable. I’m the person you would lean on if you needed a shoulder to cry on. I’m the friend you would call if you wanted someone on your side, and I’m the mother of four who demands respect and tolerates nothing less. As you can imagine, as a newly married woman, I was a real peach. Though I didn’t fall for the “women’s lib” bologna, I would still challenge my husband regularly. I was the daughter of a hard-chargin’ Marine. There wasn’t a hill I wouldn’t die on.
“Why are you paying the bills that way?” “Why am ‘I’ putting gas in the car again?” “Are you seriously going to wear that shirt?” “We should leave for your parent’s house earlier than that.” “Why did you tell him no? I just told him yes.” I would challenge his answers on almost any of the above. On and on it went until one fateful evening and a dinner for four.
After making some new friends, the more intimate we became the more I began to notice a few things. My new friend challenged her husband on just about everything he said or did. It was pretty sad to watch. No matter how inconsequential, whenever her husband spoke he was interrupted. “Sweetheart, you’re wrong, that’s not what she said.” “Why are you having lasagna? You told me you were in the mood for a steak?” “The kids were five and three, not six and four.”
What I witnessed that evening broke my heart. This poor man was being nitpicked to death. The hills she was dying on were ludicrous and even ridiculous. I tried to convince myself that the hills I was dying on at home were much more important than my friends’ at dinner. Unfortunately, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was looking into a full-length mirror.
Then it came to me. The story in the Bible where God hands out the consequences to Adam and Eve’s sin. “To the woman He said: I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Gen. 3:16 NLT
If you didn’t catch that last line back there let me remind you again; and you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.
The desire to nitpick, nag, and control goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. The desire to control and challenge our husband’s authority is part of our sinful nature. We can all thank Eve for this one. But, in all honesty, I’m not sure I would have done any differently in the garden. I’m pretty weak when it comes to a good piece of fruit.
Once I’d been reminded my desire to win each battle and fight on every hill was something I had to deal with spiritually the real fight was on. I was not going to let my carnal nature win out. I began taking my irritations and wrongful desires to the cross. Each day, I prayed for the Lord to open my eyes to what really mattered, what should be regarded as an important issue to challenge my husband over. I made a point to try to keep my challenges in the privacy of our bedroom, far away from prying little eyes and ears. I didn’t want my daughters to learn any bad habits from me.
The change in our home was miraculous. I wasn’t as frustrated or as irritable anymore. I realized taking charge wasn’t something I could take. God had given the leadership role to my husband, and my constant challenges were a direct insult to the very One who had given him this position in our home. I had new eyes to see things in a whole new way.
Today, I refuse to die on any insignificant battlefields. My only bloody battles fought these days are by the sword of the Spirit. Though, I still take a hit for the team every now and again. This daughter of a U.S. Marine is finally learning to stand down and let her husband take his rightful place in the home.
Copy this code for
the graphic and link…
Much needed words. So many times the hardest thing to do in a marriage is submit, to let the husband be the head of the household. Over the past few years I’ve really tried to step back and let him have his place. It’s been a blessing.
[Переводчик]
Great truth here! It took me years to see this and I still catch myself doing things like this. So many things really don’t matter, not in the big scheme of things, and the ones that do can be handled better when we’re not so hung up over the millions of little ones.
[Переводчик]
Thank you for this Joanne.
[Переводчик]
Joanne,
This is so wonderfully true it’s almost scary. I have walked hard in those shoes and I see more and more how such striving only makes for sore feet.
Thank you for your loving example and reminder.
Ginger
I would also love to have Exemplify follow me on Twitter via @heresmycuplord.
[Переводчик]
Great post, Joanne!!!
[Переводчик]
Wow, Joanne, what a reflection of myself. Thank you for the confiction that I needed. I don’t do it all the time but surely I correct my husband on the little stuff. Thank you for your blessing today.
Angie
[Переводчик]
From a kindred spirit, and one whose nature is to challenge (can’t let anything be left “not true” or “not set right”!) I heard the Spirit’s still small voice in your words. I’ve been married 32 years and am still learning this. I bowed my head and prayed, “Lord, make me submissive–give me a meek and quiet spirit, which is beautiful in Your sight.” Only by His grace.
Blessings,
Wendy
P.S. Joanne, whenever you speak powerful words of truth like these, you’re coming against the enemy, and you can be ready for a battle and an attack–got your armor on? I’m praying for you–keep up the Godly writing!
[Переводчик]
wonderful post!! Thank you so much for sharing this… I can be guilty of nitpicking too. When I had been married for about 6 months, a friend gave me the book “created to be his helpmeet” … it changed my life and my marriage for the better!! : )
[Переводчик]
Wow Joanne, very powerful and impressive! I didn’t know you were such a good writer!
God bless you and your family!
[Переводчик]
Thanks Joanne! Nice reminder that we need to choose our battles wisely.
[Переводчик]
Excellent post! It’s convicting and is making me take a look at what battles I’m trying to win.
[Переводчик]
Although I am the daughter of a tool designer instead of a Marine, at times I have treated my husband like I was his mother instead of his wife…this post really touched my heart and convicted me of the fact I still have a long way to go…with the Lord’s help, I will do better….
[Переводчик]
Joanne – so RIGHT ON! Or as my dad would say, OOOHHRahhh! Yep – I’m the oldest child of a Marine, too. And ouch! by the way. Far too true for me – and so sad, too. I want my husband to lead and there I am jumping in with my “two cents” yecchhh! God is gracious and is teaching me to keep my mouth shut and to TRUST HIM to lead my husband and to FOLLOW HIM wherever my husband leads. It is a battle and I can relate to Eve, too. Thanks for writing this. Thanks for putting it out there.
[Переводчик]