The first male voice here at Internet Cafe Devotions, our “Brew Brother” Mickey Mendoza of The Hush Project.
Mickey says of himself…
I’m insecure. I compare myself to others. I say, “They have it all together—while I don’t.” I make girls cry with the foolish things I say. I’ve caused many broken hearts, deep scars, and perhaps someone’s distaste for Jesus. I say things that come across as rude and obnoxious—because they are. Anger overwhelms me. “Use your freakin’ turn signal! Go at least the speed limit and get off the road if you’re not going to!” I say. I don’t like to be patient. I once prayed for more of it, and I think God’s been answering me ever since—laughing in Heaven.I have to remind myself that lust is no different than adultery. I don’t always treat my wife like a princess and daughter of God. My internet automatically shuts off at ten o’ clock every night because I’m not strong enough. I once thought I had a right to step on others because I spent more time in school than they did, and that I worked at one of the fastest growing churches in the United States. I have evil thoughts about other people on a weekly basis. I have deep corners in my heart that hopes someone doesn’t succeed. I wish I was born into a rich family with a famous name, so material things came at the ease of water from a faucet. The dark thoughts tell me I haven’t accomplished much, and failed miserably at so many things. I hear that voice that whispers, “Your identity is fixed on what you do; the number of degrees you have; or the letters that follow your name.” Sometimes people would never know I was chasing after Jesus. Someone once told me, “Oh, I never would have guessed you were into that.” It was a painful check on my witness. I sometimes wish I didn’t love Jesus because it’s easier to love money, lust after women, and be your own god. In the last month, I’ve had people in my life say “Goodbye to Christianity!” I had a hard time telling them, “No wait, stop.”
Oh how I wish this wasn’t me! But it is!
That’s precisely why I cling to Jesus.
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” – 1 Peter 2:24
Jesus is the only good in me. And when I get in the way, I fail in my relationships, lead poorly, and gain nothing.
Thank you Jesus.
Please welcome Mickey and take a few minutes to visit him at The Hush Project.